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May 2

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A Vision of Your Wedding

Phew, April! What a creatively full month. I shared enormous happiness working with nine couples to compose and lead their weddings. Through my attentive process as a Life-Cycle Celebrant®, we brought their uniquely personal ceremony visions into reality. These couples chose spaces ranging from a sweet living room with pooches and babies (plus east coast folks joining via ichat!) to a 100+ celebration perched at the Skyline Country Club lower terrace to an internationally live-streamed ceremony held at Tohono Chul Park, to an exquisitely intimate ceremony at the historic Arizona Inn.

I’m excited to receive photos and post more details soon! For now, I’m putting my creative energy into May and June weddings. Plus, meeting with couples about their upcoming fall and winter weddings. (Summer slows down just a tad here in Tucson, with our crispy-hot summer temps!)

Throughout the joy of this work, I assist couples in making authentic and fun expressions about themselves during a wedding celebration. This definitely keeps me on my toes! (Just as no two couples are the same, no two of my ceremonies are ever the same, either.)  Choosing just the right venue and sense of place play a role in expression. Creating a real and relevant ceremony takes it a step further and amplifies the power of collective experience between a couple and their guests. To create a timelessly memorable experience, a ceremony you and your guests cannot stop talking about because you LOVED it so much, it helps to set intentions at the outset.

It is in this ‘setting intentions’ realm where I’ve noticed something interesting lately. During an initial meeting with a couple, if I say “What is your vision for your ceremony?” — some “ums” likely ensue, followed by explanation of small familiar elements or “well, we haven’t gotten concrete about that yet.” Sometimes, descriptions of what they don’t want arise. (Read: boring, too long, overly religious, or wrong names. Yikes!)

Instead, when I ask, “What four words best describe your ceremony?” — light bulbs seem to flash on!  This is a fun exchange I’ve borrowed from my savvy Celebrant colleague based in Canada. (Thank you, Barbara Densmore!) I’ve noticed how this brainstorm helps clear through cobwebs amidst the clutter, you know? Couples seem to cut through the overload of ideas, familial ‘shoulds’ or mass wedding media. I witness them revealing what really matters – for them as individuals and a couple. The folks with whom I work often offer up these clues:

Arizona Inn garden, Tucson

Arizona Inn garden, Tucson (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • Warm and celebratory
  • Lighthearted (not too casual though)
  • Meaningful and intimate
  • Real
  • Grateful
  • Playful
  • Authentic
  • Fun!

Words readily jump out onto a fairly blank canvas. And those four simple words become helpful guideposts for me and a couple when we co-create their ceremony. The four words turn into a ‘vision snapshot’, if you will. To take it a step further, into setting a foundational vision for a whole wedding celebration, this article is super helpful. I love the author’s formula for ‘seven words’. How easy is that to remember and carry with you everywhere as you plan your special day?!

Apr 3

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A Romantic Winter Wedding

In Tucson, we are fortunate to hold outdoor winter weddings. And as a Celebrant writing custom ceremonies, I am blessed to work with couples who really know themselves, completely dig each other and fearlessly express themselves during their ceremony. This peek into a romantic wedding I led last month involves a hearty combination of all these happinesses!

Meet Colin and Stephanie: a couple so totally in love as you can see, they positively glow. We had a fabulous time co-creating their ceremony. Plus, we shared the great surprise of a snowy-mountain morning and a gentle rain the day of their wedding. (Rare in the desert!) They both have a playful sense of humor and ease about them, so nobody seemed concerned about the unanticipated chilly temps. (Not even Colin and his groomsmen, as they sported kilts!) It was a magical day.

What I completely enjoyed about writing this ceremony was how passionately Colin and Stephanie responded to my Couple Reflections. (As a Life-Cycle Celebrant®, the way I craft ceremony is based upon a couple’s stories, beliefs and values.) The love, playfulness and humor they shared nearly jumped off the screen when I read through their thoughts and feelings about each other. So, how could I not be inspired to write a fun and meaningful ceremony? And what made it even better, was the Bride offering a poem she hoped to include, which she wrote. It is titled Thoughts on Growing Old with You. I wove it throughout the ceremony and her words became the soul of the whole experience.

As the author of the poem, Stephanie naturally knew the words from her heart. So as a result, a spontaneous surprise happened during the ceremony. She was saying the words along with me as I read the prose — while looking directly into her Groom’s eyes, just beaming him love. I absolutely loved it!

After they repeated their custom vows to each other, and then shared pledges of love and support with their adult children who stood beside them, they exchanged rings. It was a heartfelt and giddy romanticism I could feel! (We say boo to the stuffy or hollow romantic material out there!) To complete the ceremony, I shared a blessing on behalf of everyone present, based on Colin and Stephanie’s hopes for their shared future:


Happy Newlyweds after the Ceremony!

“May every second count. May you not take a single moment for granted. May your love be a journey of discovery that never becomes dull. May you have all the time in the world to discover each other and always share laughter at bedtime. May you value and validate each other, sharing in the small joys as well as the BIG ones! And may you find great contentment in growing old and loving life side-by-side.”

After the pronouncement and kiss, they danced to Louis Armstrong singing ‘We Have All the Time in the World“. (Yes, I got choked up!) And I think maybe the intimate circle of family and friends surrounding them did, too.

Congratulations to you, Mr. and Mrs. Conlee. I wish you many many years of happiness and laughter together!

Mar 17

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Beyond your basic ‘Wedding March’

Every once in a while, personal experience flows into my well of creative ideas for ceremonies. For instance: simply going to a concert. Yes, I do oodles of fun research and reading from myriad sources. I am also surrounded by an ever-growing ‘tribe’ of helpful and talented Life-Cycle Celebrants across the world. And often couples will send me newly delicious links or ideas, too. :)

What I’m sharing now is a tad more simple and mundane than all this good stuff.

Last night I went to see Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros in concert. (Yes, they are way FUN to see live!) And it reminded me of how a couple I married last fall chose the song ‘Home’ (by this band) for their processional music. I loved it and got all choked up walking into the eden-like ceremonial space. The theme we wove throughout the ceremony was ‘coming home’ to each others’ hearts with thanksgiving. Soooo, the song fit the ceremony, the couple and the setting (a ranch along the Santa Cruz River) extremely well.

Since ‘Home’ has gained popularity, I’ve included it below, just in case you haven’t heard it yet. I’ve also included another song I think I might love even more. Especially for a ceremony with a theme of constant love. It is a sweet little acoustic song by Edward Sharpe called ‘Simplest Love’. It could be really fitting for and entrance into or prelude during a relaxed and meaningful wedding. The lyrics go:

This is a song for my simplest love

A simple song for a simplest love
Her eyes are green, her hair is brown
This is a song for my simplest love

A constant song for a constant love
No difficult chords, easy to play
A simple song for a simplest love


And here is ‘Home’ so you can give it a listen (sorry no video available!):

Feb 10

Writing Vows You’ll Want to Repeat

Inevitably when I meet with couples, the ‘oh man, how do we do our vows?’ question surfaces. And it’s a good one. Would you agree wedding vows are pretty darn intimate words to share? The pressure of finding just the right promises – unique to who you are – can be daunting. Just today, I met with a mature couple who said they would be at a loss to write their own vows. “We really need your help there,” they said to me (cringing a bit).

And I’m happy to oblige! By using a couple’s very own words, in fact. I have a few keystone questions in my set of Sweetgrass Couple Reflections, which support me writing meaningful vows. When I work with couples, ceremony crafting is a co-creative process. They answer a good long set of questions individually. And I weave together the ceremony based on their stories, beliefs and values. (Yes, I do love reading heartfelt, emotional or even irreverent responses!)

Words

(Photo credit: sirwiseowl)

I also leave open the option of couples writing their own vows to each other. Or we do a combination of both – they write a few lines and I write a few lines – by weaving their words into a cohesive whole as I mentioned above. Some of the best tips I’ve read for DIY vows are in this post at a Practical Wedding.

Here are some questions to ask yourself, too: do you want to have your Celebrant say the vows in a question form whereby you answer “I do” or “I will”? Or would you rather repeat whole phrases? Or memorize the lines?

This ought to be entirely up to you. And if you really want to remember and repeat these pledges of love to each other sometime in the future (anniversary? Valentine’s? vow renewal?) then the words are best spoken comfortably, reflecting who you truly are.

It is this delivery of vows that I encourage couples feeling really familiar with and comfortable  about. Whatever you write, or someone writes for you – make sure you read it aloud to each other before the ceremony! (Unless of course you plan to surprise each other.) See how the words feel while speaking them aloud individually at least, if not together.

And hopefully, you’ll have vows that well, you’ll love saying to each other again and again.

Jan 28

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Wedding Blog Intentions for 2012

Yes! I’m sharing my intentions for posts in the year ahead. Why? Because I’d love to hear your feedback: would these topics be useful and inspiring to you? What else would you like to hear and read about?

Admittedly, I’ve gotten a slow blogging start on the year. (Hey – it’s still January though, right?) Due to a big-fun-flurry of client meetings the past few weeks, I’m already sensing this will be a most fulfilling year, serving couples and families who want a ceremony beyond the ordinary.

Here is some of the good stuff I aim to bring you in the months ahead:

  • Meg & Joe's Arizona Botanical Garden Ceremony ~ Fabulous!

    Tucson’s Wedding Talent Interviews: hearing from super creative wedding professionals in the wide network of folks working in Tucson (eg: florists, musicians, DJs or Directors of Entertainent, etc).

  •  Tips for Ceremonies ‘Beyond the Ordinary’: ideas that enliven your stories and beliefs, plus invite your guests into the experience.
  • Ideas for Vow Renewals and Commitment: while working with couples celebrating anniversaries and various commitment celebrations beyond weddings, I’ll be sure to share examples and resources.

 

  • Windows into Real Sweetgrass Weddings: whenever couples are willing to share photos and ceremony excerpts, I’ll give you a peek into what we experience during heart-crafted ceremonies!
  • Southern Arizona Venue Highlights: seeing into unique venues and meeting the on-site coordinators.

So many resources, contacts and ideas to share . . .

I’m excited to be doing what I love and look forward to posting good materials you can share or really put to use for your own ceremony!

 

Nov 21

Russ making his ring vows to Amy

A Mt. Lemmon wedding at Sunrise

When a couple lives to rock climb together – and got engaged on the face of El Capitan in Yosemite Valley – where do you think they’d choose to hold their wedding ceremony? Well yes, of course! Their favorite mountainous spot.

For Russ and Amy, that place happens to be the ‘Wall of Trundling Trolls’ in the Santa Catalina Mountains, near Tucson. I had the huge joy of creating and leading their wedding ceremony, held on November 11, 2011. Thankfully I have a few photos, because words feel pretty feeble in attempting to capture the magic of this place. Being up there as the sun rose in a fiery sky and the full moon set amidst silver clouds, made it all the more magical!

Opening the ceremony

I opened the ceremony by ringing a bell and smudging the couple of honor with sage. I shared John O’Donohue‘s Blessing For Marriage. Before exchanging their personal vows and rings, I shared a few of Russ and Amy’s beliefs about marriage:

” To both of you, entering marriage means being together in a completely honest and loving way. It means walking beside each other because you pretty fiercely want to. While beside each other, you become who you really want to be.”

Pretty wise words, eh?

I love how the ‘dogs of honor’ were with us, too – Bear and Abby – Amy and Russ’s fur kids. Little Miss Abby perched herself on the rocks right next to us, during the whole ceremony. She definitely took part in the fun!

Russ making his ring vows to Amy

During the ring exchange, I shared the meaning and symbolism of the rings Russ had custom-made out of stainless steel by a friend, with an heirloom diamond in Amy’s ring from his Grandmother. A videographer was capturing this all on tape for friends and family to see later, so the storytelling was important for many reasons!

No doubt for Amy and Russ after a two-year engagement and lots of planning, PLUS the hour long hike into this breathtaking site, my pronouncement of their marriage and their big kiss was a great exclamation point on an amazing morning. Then Russ had even more in mind: he packed in a big bottle of champagne for us to enjoy a celebration toast, too!

A toast to the newly married couple!

What a completely amazing place and time for a ceremony. I feel so grateful to have been a part of this and wish you the best in life, Mr. & Mrs. Whitacre! Here we are together after the climb out. I think your smiles say it all! Congratulations with lots of love to you always!

Mr. & Mrs. Whitacre with their Happy Celebrant ~ me!

Sep 28

Tips for involving kids

During the recent weeks of kicking off the busy fall wedding season in Tucson, I’ve enjoyed officiating ceremonies with young people involved. (By young I mean eight to 17 years old.) This happens more and more, as families blend with children of various ages. I must admit I’m not a Mom, yet I do aspire to be the coolest Aunt ever! I don’t have a reservoir of kid wisdom. Although, I’ve experienced a few successful ways to involve kids in ceremonies, be it weddings or memorials.

We’ve all seen adorable flower girls, ring bearers or candle lighters. Here are a few ideas beyond the ‘usual’ to consider:

  • Bring kids into the creative process. While planning a ceremony, the logistics may be overwhelming. Stepping back with a more childlike frame of mind to make it fun and really bring kids into the fray, might just help! I welcome this with families. For example, have a processional led by children
    and ask them what kind of happy noises they want to make! (e.g. bells? kazoos? rattles?)
  • Ask if they want to participate. If so, offer meaningful roles. Many times we see more formal roles for kids where they have to stand still and be cute for pictures. Not always easy to achieve! That is slowly changing though, as this article suggests. What if they were more actively participating, say by exchanging family vows or symbolic gifts? Or reading from a family’s favorite children’s book? Wouldn’t that be more fun?
  • Let them review the ceremony script and offer editorial suggestions. No, I’m not kidding. They might offer up surprising advice that helps the ceremony feel more real to them and everyone present. I just had this  happen last week, when two super-fly boys were helpers with the Ring Warming for their Dad’s wedding.

Hopefully, these quick ideas – plus the fun in-depth articles I’ve linked to – offer plenty of fresh ways to bring kids into whatever ceremony you might be planning!

 

Sep 14

Eloping in Tucson

Sabino Canyon, Tucson
Image by miheco via Flickr

Couples who elope to Tucson for saying their “I dos” have so many choices, it can be overwhelming! If you want something beyond the courthouse steps, being creative and seeking adventure helps. And that’s where I usually come in.

Just a few weeks ago, for example, I led a very easy-going, poignant and adventuresome wedding in Sabino Canyon. And when I say in the Canyon, I mean we literally stood barefoot in the creek, shaded by a huge old sycamore tree! It was so refreshing in the desert heat.

The experience felt pretty magical. The Bride and Groom couldn’t have been happier.

They were visiting from back east and knew just what they wanted for their ceremony: simple, stress-free, meaningful and scenic. A great elopement recipe that I can deliver as a relaxed Wedding Celebrant!

Aug 31

Hand Blessing with Bergamot and Lavendar Oils

A Hand Blessing as Unity Ritual

This super creative Bride and Groom – the lovely Meg and dashing Joe – wanted to have their senses fully engaged in their wedding ceremony. They incorporated sensuous sights, acoustic sounds and uplifting scents . . . and they kept savory tastes for the reception! Their celebration occurred at the Arizona Botanical Gardens in Phoenix. An AMAZING venue for outdoor ceremonies.

Instead of the often used Unity Candle or Sand Blending rituals, I offered them a custom Blessing of the Hands Ritual with essential oils. They chose Bergamot and Lavendar oils, for the uplifting and reassuring scents those offer.

After I placed drops of oil into their palms and drew the infinity sign in each, Meg placed her palms on top of Joe’s open palms and I shared these words:

“Above you are the stars, below you is the earth, as time does pass, remember this:

Like the earth, should your love be firm, grounded in your humanity.

Like a star should your love be constant, imbued with pure light.

Let the powers of the mind and of the intellect guide you in your marriage.

Let the strength of your wills bind you together.

Let the power of love and desire make you joyful,

And the strength of your dedication make you inseparable.”

(Source: Rev. Susanna Stefanachi Macomb)

Jul 7

Ideas for Multi-Cultural Weddings

So last week I met with a couple who wants to pull Pagan and Buddhist elements into their wedding. How fun! They were relieved to find me. Plus, plain happy I would work with them to create the ceremony they envision. “This kind of non-traditional territory is where I love to be with couples,” I told them.

And yet, as I said those words, I wondered if we are emerging with new practices that stretch beyond ‘non-traditional’. When I say ‘we’ I mean: couples who want their ceremony to reflect their one-of-a-kind beliefs and a Celebrant like myself who helps guide them. Simply put: We are making ceremonies REAL. (Most definitely not rote and one size fits all!)

This story from CNN about interfaith and multicultural weddings supports this idea. I think this passage speaks to why:

Unlike prior generations, contemporary couples aren’t afraid to tinker with the order of a ceremony or the wedding traditions that have, in the past, seemed intractable. Also, many contemporary couples are older when they marry, so they’ve had more time to travel, work and become more educated.

These are the couples with whom I love to work: they are mature, they’ve traveled and they know themselves well. Whether or not two people come from different ethnic traditions, based upon various life experiences, they may hold vastly different beliefs. Judaism and Hinduism, for example. In these situations, another passage from the CNN article includes helpful ideas from Susanna Macomb, a widely known Officiant and Author:

Finding commonality between traditions can make a ceremony meaningful, but make sure to have someone explain the symbolism to the wedding guests, or most will be in the dark, says Macomb. Also, she advises intercultural weddings can seem more cohesive if an officiant and readers incorporate some native languages into the ceremony as a nod to family members who have traveled from another part of the world.

As a certified Life-Cycle Celebrant® who leads weddings, this is one of the things I do best: finding commonality between traditions – beliefs – values to make a ceremony meaningful. In our training as Celebrants, we delve deeply into symbolism. We consider and enact ways to bring universal explanation into the script, so guests may resonate with the message delivered. This is especially helpful during multicultural ceremonies, where guests may be unfamiliar with certain elements!

Enjoy the journey, if you are planning a multicultural or interfaith wedding! Feel free to leave comments or questions, too . . .

Kristine

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